Please save me from ABD Purgatory

I am officially shooting a flare and spelling out S.O.S. is large letters across the sand. I am lost and confused and need rescuing. My statistics are kiling me -- an not softly. The more I think I understand and I know what to do, I slip deeper into the quicksand. (Are you loving the metaphors?)

Good news:
- I am DONE collecting data. That is done, subjects are gone, can't do any more trials or experiments.
- I data set has been checked and verified. All missing points, questionable blocks, etc have been addresed.

Problem:
what the hell does it mean?
PCA, factor analysis, regressions, correlations. I'm in over my head.

HELP !!!

Stats suck.